It must be frightening to learn that someone who is
known to be dangerous is living near you. Your job is
to protect and empower your children without terrifying
them.
Irrational solutions that serve the sole purpose of
helping you feel safer can make the situation more difficult.
Telling children, "Never walk on that side of the
street!" or, "Never sit on anyone's lap!"
can cause them confusion and anxiety.
Simply telling children what you want them to do in
any situation in your neighborhood --and giving them
the chance to practice -- is far more effective. Make
sure that people who are supervising your younger children
stay with them at all times.
Tell children who are old enough to go out on their
own, "Our safety rule is that you will check with
me first before you change your plan about whom you
are with, where you go, and what you are doing. Do not
go into someone's house or yard until I agree that it
is okay. I also want you to check with me first about
when it is okay to open our door to someone."
Role-play so children can practice walking away and
checking first in a variety of situations. Include the
opportunity to practice walking away from a nice person
trying to talk them into coming close to look at something
interesting "for just a minute".
While feeling upset about what someone has done is normal,
demonizing this individual will serve no purpose and
will not help your children be safer. It is important
to be realistic. Legally, this man has served his time
and can live anywhere he wants. The truth is that most
of the people who harm children are not registered on
lists. This man is likely to be the first person suspected
by authorities if a crime is committed.
At the same time, people who have harmed others sometimes
repeat their behavior. This means that you want to make
sure that your children are never alone with this person,
do not go to his house or into his yard, and do not
let him into your home.
If children living in the house where this man is staying
are friends with yours, having them come over is fine,
but you want to be aware of the possibility that they
might have been abused. Children who have been abused
who have not had help are most likely to harm themselves,
but they might do something abusive to others.
The best way for your children to protect themselves
from abuse is to be able to set boundaries and to get
help if they need it. Supervise your children's play
with all children, including these, until you are sure
that they have these skills.
Both you and your children need to be able to say "No"
to invitations that would break your safety rules without
letting embarrassment or guilt stop you from setting
clear boundaries.
Positive, practical personal safety workshops for adults
and children, such as those offered by KIDPOWER, can
be very helpful in reducing worry and increasing competence. |
