Often in our articles, what we say
is slanted towards or is specifically for women. This is simply
because women are more concerned about safety on a daily basis
and most of our clients are women. As a man, I’m not concerned
for my safety when I take the dog for a walk, go to the mailbox,
return to our van in a parkade, or notice a woman looking
at me. But such common, everyday occurences are a time of
anxiety for many women. The average woman going about her
daily activities FEELS more concern about her safety, and
rightly so, because she IS more in danger of violence than
the average man.
However, many men are also
concerned about safety, both their own and for their families.
In some ways, they may feel reluctant to talk to others about
this because of the social idea that they, as a man, are already
supposed to be able to take care of themselves and their loved
ones. But many of us, of course, did not grow up in the circumstances
where we would actually learn to fight other young men. So
we don’t actually know what to do, and don’t have confidence
in our natural abilities.
As for women, there are
many things a man can do to stay safe without having to fight.
You can also use your awareness and intuition to avoid possible
trouble. You can use your verbal skills to defuse a potentially
dangerous situation. And you can fight back if necessary.
There are some key differences,
however, in how and why men attack men compared to men attacking
women.
The first key difference
comes in the reasons a man might attack another. A source
of considerable danger for men is the tendency to fight over
words or territory. You could be attacked because of this,
or you may be tempted to start a fight for such reasons. Women
often need to have their self-protective instincts, and their
natural ability to fight, woken up. Men often need to have
their tendency towards self-righteous anger and their tendency
to fight throttled back and channelled in more effective and
POSITIVELY self-protective ways.
An insult, real or imagined,
can be enough to precipitate a fight. One principle for any
of these situations... don’t! Don’t engage in such fights,
and don’t start them. Don’t give him an excuse. Don’t give
that stupid driver the finger, tailgate him to show your impatience,
or cut him off to retaliate against him for cutting you off.
It’s not worth the possible result of him pulling a gun and
killing you. And don’t instigate such a fight yourself. Don’t
fight someone because he called you a name or cut you off
in traffic.
One really blunt way to think of this...
You absolutely must avoid physical confrontation at any cost
until the final line is crossed. That line might be a threat
to your life, a sexual assault on you or a member of your
family, or a threat to their lives. It might be a similar
threat to a person you don’t know – it’s different for different
people. But when the final line is crossed, all rules are
gone. You make your stand. You fight 100%. You must be fight
with a willingness to risk death. Would you be willing to
take that risk if your six-year-old daughter was being hauled
into a van by an abductor? Of course you would! You woudn’t
even think about it for a moment. IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED
TO FIGHT IN THIS SPIRIT, YOU SHOULDN’T BE IN THE FIGHT. If
what you are fighting over is not worth risking death, you
must just walk away. You absolutely should not be fighting
because, in this modern world, this guy who attacked you may
very well be prepared to kill you, or at the very least, he
may not care if he does.
(Special note for women reading this –
do not take on this last paragraph. This advice in no way
is meant for you. This is absolutely gender specific advice
because of many men’s tendency to fight over words and so
on. It’s important that you really understand this point.
As a woman, you don’t have the same considerations and you
definitely do not need, in any way, to rein in your fighting
spirit.)
The second major difference comes in what
you do if it does become necessary to fight. Unless you are
quite highly trained, don’t rely on punching. Your legs are
much stronger and the chances of you breaking your fingers
or wrist are quite high. Fingers tightly squeezed together
and jabbed full-force into someone’s eye will do more to end
a fight than most people’s punching. Thigh smashes or kicks
to the groin or head are far more powerful than your arms.
In real fighting, there are two kinds of
blows – opening strikes and finishing strikes. If this is
potentially a life or death situation, there is only one way
to fight – 100%. There is no room for tactical strikes in
a real fight, like punching someone in the ribs or the side
of the head.
You can keep yourself and
your family safe in most circumstances. The most effective
way to do that is to wisely avoid danger when you see or feel
it coming. There’s nothing worth fighting over unless it is
a "final line" life or death situation. Anything
short of that, you should swallow your pride and walk away.
But if you have to fight, there is one way – totally and without
reservation.
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